NORMAL LIFE: Telling The Redhead

It was my first social event in my new work, and it went surprisingly well. Firstly, we took a three hour cruise from Katajanokka (my old neighbourhood) around an archipelago off the shores of Vuosaari to the west of Helsinki. The weather was fantastic, the atmosphere very friendly for every now and then one of the engineers or one of the Product Managers would come over and take the time to chat with me in my mother tongue.

For the first time, I felt that I could actually work with this team. Despite my boss' sudden departure from the team and one of the Product Manager's constantly digging at me, I felt I could actually work with the remainder of my colleagues quite well. It amused me when a number of the colleagues asked what I thought of Finns; by international standards, Finns are very paranoid and actually welcome feedback on their weird ways. Well, they are not so weird, although they are somewhat quiet socially.

This quietness didn't last long, however, for the drinking commenced followed by a lovely meal below deck. I saw a remarkable change in the Product Manager who refused to talk to me; she was laughing and joking and cheering. Of course, the drink helped her attitdue to be a little bit more bearable. Still, however, we didn't speak for the whole evening.

When we returned to Katajanokka, we had a few drinks in Sipuli, one of Helsinki's upmarket restaurants before moving onto Teatteri, one of the superficial places to be and be seen. A huge bar, Teatteri is full of pretty girls and boys who somewhat manage to ignore eachother. It's not that they're already married or even gay for that matter, but just that they love themselves so much that there isn't any room for anyone else in their lives! I love the unthreatening environment there for I have no agenda.

Come 1am, I announced that it was time for my bed. One of the engineers, in fact the only good looking one, asked: you're going home alone? I explained that I had an early start so it was best I get going. I saw the look of disappointment on his face. Persuaded, I bought one more drink for myself. The Product Manager (PM), my favourite, propped herself up the bar and started a conversation that went something like this:-

PM: Are you dating?
Blogger: Yes... for four and a half years.
PM: Four and a half years?!!
Blogger: Yes... and you'll understand why I want to keep it quiet.

With a sudden twitch in her face, it had clicked. Her expression went from realisation to knowing and then she smiled. 'Of course', she said, 'it's none of my business. In fact, I'm happy for you'!

I left the bar shortly after - it wasn't for want or need of attention that I told her. Having someone know at the office is always good for, if there's an emergency, she will know that there's somebody special who might need to know what's going on.

I went to a gay bar nearby where I knew Bree wait for me. When I arrived, I met my next challenge which I think warrants a blog entry all of its own (see here).

NORMAL LIFE: Boss Has Gone

He was never really a good supervisor but, as a person, I really liked him. I'm talking about the guy who hired me eight weeks ago into my current position. We enjoyed a good working relationship, but the hammer fell yesterday with the announcement that he had resigned and that he would be leaving the same day. I hid my disappointment, respecting his decision (seeming somewhat forced due to a lack of notice period) to move on.

Now I am in the same situation as I was in my last job - I'm working with a group of women, once again at the bottom of the organisation. In Helsinki, I work with three, very different women. The red-head is wonderful - she's cheerful most of the time and is the most helpful, often guiding me back on course with lot's of useful advice. We have a good working relationship and have had candid discussions about the team and the organisation as a whole.

The oldest one in the team is a bit hard to work out. She has worked for the company for 18 years and led the bandwagon in claiming that our boss doesn't provide enough supervision. I'm stumped as to what kind of supervision something with 18-years of experience in the field needs, but some people do need direction from time to time and I respect that. Part of me can't help think that her constant moaning led, or contributed somewhat, to our boss' demise.

And then there's the youngest one, the most miserable of the lot. She never says good morning, seems reluctant to help me as a newcomer and, this very morning, point blankly refused to even speak to me when I said 'we need to talk'. She simply said no, and walked away. The sensitive guy I am, this rejection offended me.

My boss has left a rather fragmented team behind, one that I hope can be pieced back together when a new boss is appointed. What I wouldn't give for a bit of stability in the workplace, and to work for a team who is united rather than bickering and moaning all the time!

NORMAL LIFE: MidSummer 2006

Once again, MidSummer descended upon the land and, as usual, we headed to Heinola where Bree's family have a wonderful cottage that has recently been converted to more than 100m². When we arrived just after lunchtime last Friday, Bree's brother was there with his wife and two sons. Altogether, we proceeded to enjoy the relaxing holiday, eating as a family during which I would attempt to speak to Bree's parents in Finnish, often with embarrassing implications. For example, I told Bree's parents that I was reading Tuntematon Potilas (Unknown Patient) when, really, I was actually reading Tuntematon Sotilas (Unknown Soldier)!

Bree's brother had made the biggest impression on the summer cottage that weekend by buying a digibox - for the first time, we had a TV picture you could actually see without wondering what the hell you were looking at on TV. The picture was so clear that we were all amazed. So much so that, after a brief period of time analysing some data for my Master's Degree, I settled down to watch Switzerland play the Republic of Korea in one of the World Cup games. Unsurpisingly, Switzerland won 2-0. Did anyone notice that player from Korea with the blonde hair? Did he look bizarre, or what?!

The boys, aged 6 and 4, were as active as ever and when I got my laptop out and introduced them to PacMan (remember that famous computer game from yonks back?), it wasn't long until they were addicted, fighting over who would play next. Roll in Mum and Dad who, from their dating days, remembered and loved PacMan also. As a family, the parents and children played for hours and, in some strange way, that was my contribution to the weekend's entertainment.

Later in the evening came the customary sauna and cold swim in the lake - the weather had been overcast for most of the day, and the lake was refreshingly cold. Afterwards, we ate sausages with cider and wine before heading to bed around Midnight.

We didn't wake up until 10am the next morning, a rather late start considering everybody else had been up 2-3 hours already! After a morning swim and a quick breakfast, we went for a quick canoe ride around a nearby island - it was my first experience in a canoe and, with the sun shining down on us, it was great. From the lake, you could hardly see the summer cottage which enjoyed immense privacy in the mass of trees that surrounded it.

After lunch, I continued with my data analysis, this time on the jetty with my back to the lake. Occasionally, I would look up and admire the newly converted cottage. Bree was sitting nearby and, at one point, urged me to listen carefully; nearby, a cuckoo was calling out in its unmistakable song, bringing back memories of our trip to Helvetinjärvi in 2002 (see related flashback here).

Later in the day, we settled down in front of the TV once again, this time to watch Germany play Sweden. Earlier in the week, Sweden had drew with England, but despite their success, I wanted Germany to lose for Germany is too big a threat in the World Cup. Despite my hopes, Germany beat their opponents 2-0. In the meantime, the young boys continued to player those 80's games I had on my laptop; as well as PacMan, there was Space Invaders, Asteroids and Tetris.

Disappointed from the results of the football game, we went outside to set up a BBQ. We grilled some sausages before heading to bed after midnight. The day had gone so quickly; I couldn't believe that I had been in London just last weekend.

I surprised myself when I woke up the next morning at 8am. I was the second to rise, after Bree's mother; a tireless woman, Bree's mother was a workhorse. She cooks and cleans non-stop all day long, a remnant of her generation. She doesn't do it because she HAS, but because she WANTS to and, by doing so, constantly frustrates Bree.

Just after 8am, I was in the cold lake. The sky was a clear blue with clouds very low on the horizon. Within minutes, the boys had woken up and, in their excited morning chatter, joined me in the water. Bree woke up as I was returning to the cottage and, after his swim, we all headed to breakfast; as usual, an assortment of cold meats, cheeses and pulla (sweet breads) awaited us. Yummy! After some more data analysis, I went for a quick swim to cool down from the stifling heat of the summer cottage.

Shortly afterwards, we started to prepare lunch with the most unusual offering being from Bree; he prepared mushrooms, stuffed with cheese containing reindeer meat, wrapped with bacon. They were delicious. Shortly before we had sat down for lunch, a visitor had arrived, an old family friend who I had met last year. I forget his name, but pushing 70 years old, he spoke English for he had lived in Australia for a while as a builder. He was there during the early 60s and what possessed him to return to Finland I don't know, nor did I ask. Regardless, he was a nice guy and good company as we settle down for dinner.

Shortly after lunch, Bree's brother and his family left; a calm descended over the summer cottage with the absence of little boy's screams and shouts echoing over the nearby water. I headed to the jetty, napping there for quite some time before Bree joined me. Bree, his father and I stood on the jetty, admiring the calmness of the lake; nearby, we sighted a rare kuikka, a Diver bird according to my Finnish-English dictionary. It sat there in the water, calmly glancing back at us - it looked very lonely there in the huge lake practically all alone. The seagulls in the air reminded me of a recent incident (click here to see what I mean)!

I set up the sauna, putting some wood and newspaper in a certain formation before setting them alight. The wood took and, before long, we were once again drinking cider, running in and out of the sauna and in and out of the nearby lake. Fantastic! After some last-minute sausages, we began the two hour drive back to Helsinki. It was a wonderful evening, very bright and airy.

Our long weekend had started with a visit to Kaivopuisto on the Thursday after work and, at 9pm, we found ourselves in Kaivopuisto once again, downing a soft ice and as we watched boats chug by in the harbour. My fifth MidSummer, I felt truly settled. As I finished my ice-cream, I smiled at Bree and, from there, we went home. Home sweet home!

NORMAL LIFE: That Shitty Feeling!

Ever get the distinct feeling that someone - or something - is out to get you? Ever feel like a colleague is trying to sabotage your efforts at the office? Ever feel like your boss is challenging you with tasks that seem near-impossible? More significantly, do you ever feel like you're being shit on?

That's exactly the feeling I had the other day when, as I walked to the doctors for a check up on my ears, a seagull dumped a huge mound of muck from above onto my newly shaven, sunburnt head! He must have seen me coming, my bright red head bobbing up and down as I walked along Arkadiankatu.

Go on, laugh, see if I care! But you won't be laughing when I come into money, or does that only apply when you step into shit?

NORMAL LIFE: A 70th, a 30th, a (mistaken) 40th And My Father!

June has been an expensive month. First, came Bree's mother's 70th. I paid a visit to the family summer cottage, laden with gifts for his graceful mother who, at 70, looks fantastic and is as energetic as ever. I met some of Bree's relatives and spent some time chatting the with his cousins who, at 40-odd, were of the generation in Finland who could converse in English.

Bree's cousins know the score regarding us but, ever-so-polite as ever, were happy to engage in small talk to pass the time. One of Bree's second cousins, aged 16, was about to embark on a three-week trip to Torquay, Devon, in England's West Country. I spent many summers there as a child and I was full of advice for the eager-to-listen, young lady!

A week later came the 30th birthday of Miss Knight, Finland's very own Kylie Minogue! I attended a small bash at her home in Munkkivuori - altogether, there were ten of us and I got talking to a very lively and chatty young lady from Imatra. I have actually had bad experience with people who come from Imatra which is in the East of Finland near Russia, but this young lady proved to be different. Later in the evening, we headed to Stockholm Disco in Helsinki's Yrjönkatu, one of the tasteful backstreets in the centre of the city; the atmosphere was very different to what I was used to. After all, this was a straight bar! A huge dancefloor packed with lot's of new faces and a refreshingly different style of music made for a great night of partying.

I left the party after 2am, heading to a nearby gay bar that Bree and I regularly frequented. When I arrived, there was a huge queue of some 50+ people. Through the dark tinted glass, however, I could see Bree sitting near the bar. I knocked on the window, got another patron's attention and gestured for him to tap Bree on the shoulder! With my perfect signing and gesturing, it worked; within seconds, Bree had asked the doorman if it was possible to let me in. When the doorman agreed, I felt so special - yet awkward - to pass the people in the queue to enter the club. Bree gave me a lingering, welcoming kiss. We didn't leave until 3.30am and, on the way home, we got some meat and potatoes which is something we rarely do. Stuffed, we rolled into bed after 5am. By now, dawn had broken and the sky was brightening once again.

On the third weekend of June, I paid a surprise visit to the UK. I boarded the relatively cheap Ryanair flight in Tampere, having had a meal with my old Neighbour and Blue. Onboard, I planned to have a drink, but when I was told that a Bacardi and Coke would cost £4.90 and that they wouldn't serve ice with it, I felt like telling the stewardess to @&%! off! As a low-cost airline, they have to make their money somehow so it made me laugh when I found this joke about Ryanair online:

I slept for most of the flight and, when I arrived at 23.45, Stansted was packed. To cut a long story short, I had flown into the UK to surprise my parents (it was the weekend when it was Father's Day) and to attend a friend's 40th birthday. When I turned up on my parent's doorstep with a newspaper for my Dad and a bouquet of flowers for my Mum the next morning, they were definitely surprised! At first, my Mum's jaw dropped open - her first thought was I had left Finland again! Hilarious!

We spent the day together, chatting away, drinking copious amounts of tea (as you do in England!). In the evening, my two sisters and my brother-in-law and my gorgeous little neice descended on the family home and we had a takeaway and some drinks in the lovely garden; the weather was fab, bordering on pleasantly warm with frequent bursts of humidity. I remember the hilarious point when my brother-in-law was spinning my neice by the arms and, upon her return to the ground, she would get dizzy, unable to maintain her balance. I know it sounds creul, but she loved it and we loved it even more for she was so funny!

The next morning, I popped into town with the younger of my two sisters to buy the last of the things I needed before boarding the 13:03 train to London. From there, I took the Underground to Victoria before boarding another train to West Norwood. A bit of a trek, but a worthwhile one for it would unite me with my friend Nick once again. From an earlier Flashback (click here), you'll remember Hill and, from this posting (click here), you'll remember the guy who moved to Australia. Well, through Hill, I met the guy who moved to Australia and, through the guy who moved to Australia, I met Nick.

What can I say about Nick? Slightly shorter than average, Nick is a guy with a heart of gold. He's constantly looking out for his friends and, as friends go, is incredibly discreet and reliable. To top it off, he's just downright funny. I had actually flown into the country to celebrate his 40th birthday, or so I thought. Laden with gifts and a 40th birthday card, I cracked up when he told me he was 39! He was 40 next year, he claimed! Embarrassed, I gave him a hug and apologised. What am I like, eh?! We laughed it off. As a result, the evening wasn't the wild affair normally associated with such a milestone birthday. However, we had a great afternoon attending a Gaydar street party in Clapham. We headed home about 11pm, opened a bottle of wine and played ABBA music and Kylie DVDs. How gay!

The next morning, I woke up at 9am and it was at this point that I was glad that we hadn't gone overboard the night before. I called Bree - I missed his voice and, when he picked up the phone, he was driving to the summer cottage. He would only be about 100 kilometres from Tampere (the airport I was flying back to) so he told me that he would collect me in the evening. Awww! When Nick woke up, we prepared an English breakfast with all the trimmings: eggs, bacon, sausages, beans, toast and tea! Yum!

I set off about 1pm, bound for Stansted airport. Taking a bus from West Norwood, I got on the Victoria Line at Brixton all the way to Tottenham Hale. From there, I took the Stansted Express, a quick, easy and relatively cheap ride to the airport. An old friend of mine who lived near the airport came by for a cup of tea and, before long, it was time to go through security and board my flight.

The flight went very quickly and, as we approached Tampere, I marvelled at the many lakes below specked with the warm glow that was the last of the day's sun, conscious of the fact that the following weekend would be MidSummer and that, thereafter, the darkness reminiscent of a Finnish winter would slowly return to the land. Despite this, as the craft continued its descent, I knew that in my heart I was home once again.

HUMOUR #3: The Lunacy That Is English (Part 1)

Let us begin…!

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

NORMAL LIFE: Silence Is Golden

As a deaf person, you naturally learn to live without the ability to hear. You have to. Every now and then, I'm reminded of how lucky I am to have my Cochlear Implant. Often, I see groups of deaf people conversing with their hands, their fingers and very gestures conveying their very thoughts through a unique method of communication.

Since my implantation, however, I am neither deaf nor am I hearing, but not much has changed for I have always been a bit 'in-the-middle'. You see, over the years, I had never really fully relied on any kind of sign language to communicate; instead, I perfected my lipreading skills which, from time-to-time, kick in even now.

Within the deaf community, cochlear implant users are often regarded with contempt, for these people use technology to 'change the way they were intended'. Many people in the deaf community actually consider the technology to be a threat to their sub-culture and, therefore, their very existence. Just like the black community or the gay community reacts defensively when a black person or a gay person is attacked, deaf people see the implantation of 'one of their own' to be, in effect, an attempt to wipe them out and reduce their numbers.

This contempt was also evident the other day when I visited the bank to report a problem with my cash card. As I waited for service, this guy kept giving me odd looks, his eyebrows raised as if to say 'who the hell are you?'. I ignored him, but it wasn't until he went to the cashier when it was his turn that he started communicating with his hands. Suddenly, his contemptuous, snidy looks made sense; this insecurity is indeed a global phenomenon within the deaf community.

Later in the day, whilst sunbathing at the outdoor pool, I got annoyed with the mass of children who had descended on the place. They are so bloody noisy, I thought to myself. But no problem - I could just switch off by removing my hearing device and could delve even deeper into the book I am currently reading, a review of which will be featured here shortly.

So, the next time a hearing person considers the lack of hearing to be a considerable disadvantage, they should think again. Like with book-keeping, in every entry there's a debit and a credit. The same is with disabilities - a disability might be considered a negative thing as a whole but, at times, it can have its benefits.

NORMAL LIFE: Sandal Scandal

As planned, I went to the outdoor pool at Helsinki's Swimming Stadium yesterday after work. It was a gorgeous day, sunny with blue skies and temperature reaching the late 20s.

Without realising it, as I got changed into my swimming trunks, I forgot to put my brand new Merrell sandals into the locker. After three hours of napping in the sun, reading my latest book, The Unknown Soldier, and swimming, I returned to my locker only to find that my sandals had been stolen.

My own fault, I suppose, as I had left them unattended, but who in the world steals someone's shoes? I started to feel like Carrie Bradshaw (played by Sarah Jessica Parker) from Sex & The City when one of her expensive Jimi Choos broke! I loved those sandals and I'm gonna replace them after work.

But, honestly, what kind of person steals - and wears - shoes that somebody else has already worn. It's so scabby!

OUT OF INTEREST: Helsinki Day (June 12)

Yesterday was Helsinki Day, the day when thousands of people head to the City to commemorate the founding of Helsinki. On June 15, 1550, King Gustavas Vasa of Sweden ordered citizens from the towns of Rauma, Ulvila, Poorvo and Tammisaari to mouth of the River Vaanta.

These orders mark the founding of the City, conveniently situation halfway along the Gulf of Finland and serving as a competitor to the Hanseatic City of Tallin (in Estonia) on the south of the Gulf. More about Helsinki's history can be read here.

Last weekend, a massive free outdoor concert was hosted by the city drawing some 55,000 people. As I basked in the 25ºC heat at the Outdoor Pool near Helsinki's Olympic Stadium, I could hear another concert, in nearby Töölönlahti, starting up. It's a great time for visitors, if the weather is good, and this week we have been promised temperatures in the region of 25ºC - 28ºC. Bree joined me later and, after swimming our usual 2kms, we cycled home in the evening sun. Now 9pm, this heat was a welcome change from the comparatively harsh winters.

At least I know what I will be doing each night this week - of course, I'll be heading to the outdoor pool!

NORMAL LIFE: Read About A Modern Slave

I have just finished reading Mende Nazer's harrowing account of life as a modern slave. First, she served many years as a slave in Sudan, before being sent to work for the Sudanese Embassy in London. Of all places!

I, myself, have actually seem this slave. She was publicising her book in Stockmann's, Finland's most prestigious department store. I strongly recommend reading it - the last 30 pages had me on the edge of my seat, tears streaming down my face, as Mende struggles to find if her family (from whom she was abducted) are still alive and the trials the tribulations of claiming asylum.

Read more about modern slavery on:
www.antislavery.org

Here's A BBC article about Slavery in Suden:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/2942964.stm

NORMAL LIFE: Bring It Home!

It's finally here again, the World Cup. 31 teams will compete over the next month in 64 football matches. Germany is the host this time around and the winners will be crowned on July 9th after a final due to take place in Berlin (which is a lovely city, by the way).

As usual, Brazil are favourites to win the World Cup being the only team to have been in ALL of the previous 17 World Cups. The bastards have won five times so they should give someone else a chance. Of course, it would be nice if it were England, but to be honest football ain't my cup of tea.

On the BBC Online News website (which I visit every morning with a cup of tea as I start work!), there's been nothing but 'Rooney's injury this' and 'Rooney's injury that'; all this drama for someonbody who kicks around a ball for a living. While the rest of us sit in front of computers every day sending emails on behalf of our capitalist employers, these players get paid thousands to exercise and kick a ball!

Football is an overated sport, but I'm convinced that if Finland can win the Eurovision - which nobody thought would ever be possible - then maybe England stands a chance at winning the World Cup! Come on, boys, bring it home! God knows you get paid enough to perform!

ANNOUNCEMENT: Croatia, Here We Come!

With holiday season rapidly approaching, Bree and I got researching; with options to go to Japan, South Africa and the UK, we opted for Croatia! Well, how did that happen?! Well, Bree has wanted to go for a while and, because I don't get any paid holiday for the first year in my new job (due to Finland's archaic employment laws), I was reluctant to take the usual four week break that Finns take; instead, we have organised a nine day break.

We will be away from July 17 - 25 so keep your eyes peeled; as usual, there will be a full review and loads-a-photos!

NORMAL LIFE: The Big C

Culture, that intangile thing that unites nations and defines groups of people. Before I lived abroad, I had no idea what culture actually was. Even though I was born in London and lived there for the first sixteen years of my life, I wasn't really subjected to much culture other than my own national culture with its associated traditions. Not that there's many English traditions in evidence these days, nor is there much influence from other cultures.

We are raised to believe that London is a melting pot, but to be honest there are more and more distinct groups of people living in the same communities these days; certain parts of London contain a heavy concentration of black people while, throughout parts of the country, Indians form the majority. But who can blame them? It's no different to a gay man preferring to go to gay bar, rather than a straight bar; there certainly is a sense of security in being around people who are just like you.

While Finland is predominantly white, it might be politically incorrect for me to say that there's a sense of safety in knowing that, hey, we're all the same. With a government that is indisputably neutral in its international participation and it's whiter-than-white homogeneity, anyone would be forgiven for thinking that the Finnish government is trying their best to keep non-native (at least, non-white) people out. True or not, one thing that is for sure: this neutrality and homogeneity actually highlights some rather annoying traits of the Finnish people which might not otherwise exist. Upon my return to full-time employment recently, I have been confronted with these annoying, constant traits once again.

Cultural differences are those things you notice when you go to live in a foreign country. And when you try your best to learn the local language, participate in the customary pastimes and eat the way they do, you're confronted with differences and lots of them. Sometimes the day ends and you're left wondering, indeed stumped, as to why they do things the way they do. I'll give you some examples, both from the workplace and from my personal life.

There is no hierarchy nor a class system in Finland, or so the Finns claim. Who can blame them for not wanting to be bossed about after being occupied for more than 700 years? In the workplace, however, the lack of a hierarchy proves difficult sometimes, especially for a Brit who is used to some kind of basic management. Anyone with a the job title MANAGER is expected to manage a team or function, but Finland is an exception. Here, you are left to your own devices and no questions are asked. The key method used by employers is to stick new employers in front of a computer with an internet connection and let them aimlessly navigate the intranet for days on end while your manager pays no attention to you whatsoever! This trait is heavily linked to Finnish ignorance.

If you make a Finn angry, be prepared, for the 'Finnish silence' is deadly and always wins. Studies have proven that native English speakers cannot remain quiet for very long, that we engage in such sensless small talk to make up for those silences that make us feel uncomfortable. While we might actually perceive this silence as being ignorant, it is actually a combination of two things; Finns despise confrontation and their distinctive lack of emotion makes you wonder where do I stand with this person? The fact that a colleague might not speak to you for days on end, or might pass your desk never saying 'good morning' as she turns up for work isn't because she doesn't like you. The thing is this: if communication doesn't have a concrete purpose, a Finn will choose to just not speak to you, refraining from small talk. For the country that invented Nokia, Finns communicate surprisingly little, preferring to chat online, email, send text messages and communicate by phone rather than face-to-face.

We've covered their assuming traits (e.g. that you're left to get on with it and that you must learn-by-doing) and their silences, but they are also somewhat naive. Yes, naive. You wouldn't think so because they are oh-so-educated. However, too much time reading books can make the brain go soft. Due to its homogeniety, Finland is much safer than most countries in Europe. Regardless, I completely object to the fact that seven year olds wander around Helsinki, aimlessly entertaining themselves. While it is admirable to afford a child such freedom in the 21st Century, it's also damn risky. Only last week, a 33 year-old Finnish man was charged with 800 sex crimes with children as young as 14. Despite this, parents are still happy to let their kids roam the city solo. While London can't be compared to Helsinki, would you let a seven-year old child roam the streets when there was evidence that such monsters existed in your country?

Moving onto Finland's recent Eurovision success with the oh-so-different Lordi and his monster band. Following their success, the band's singer asked the press to respect their privacy for they didn't wish for their true identities to be revealed. Naturally, but quite unrealistically, they wanted Lordi and their monster apperance to be their public image and not the ugly bastards they really are. I mean, how naive an expectation is that? Naturally, within days, one of the magazines printed a picture of the lead singer, to the dismay of many fans who immediately cancelled their subscriptions to the magazine. The magazine was actually forced to apologise, even though the photo had already appeared in several publications in 1999! Such is the power of the Finnish people in their own country, but if a foreigner upsets then, they go quiet for days, months or even years as in the case of my once-upon-a-time best friend, JP (this incident will be featured in a future flashback entry).

Despite the assuming nature, the ignorance and the naivety of the natives, I love Finland. I'm just glad that Bree isn't a typical Finn - he prides himself on travelling around the world, absorbing other cultures and living, as he jokingly claims, under British occupation! But culture, the Big C, is hard to stomach sometimes. I realise that I will always be an outsider in Finland. I will never truly adopt such a culture and, from time-to-time, my ex-pat friends and I ethnocentrically claim that we are better than them. Such is human behaviour!

HUMOUR #2: Gays In The Air!