NORMAL LIFE: The Hill That Drives Me Up The Wall!

Let me introduce Hill, a guy in his early 30s who moved to Helsinki about 15 years ago. Feeling like his time was up, Hill returned to London last Autumn, about a month after I left Finland for the brief spell I keep talking about. Although he promised we would meet up and party, I secretly hoped that he wouldn't call.

Hill is a good friend of mine, but he's the kind of friend who exhausts you, sucking out every last bit of sustenance until you start to worry about his mental state. The thing is, although Hill lived in Helsinki for fifteen years, his friends comprised his own employees and a bunch of guys he had slept with. In the gay world, there's two types of men: the loyal type and the promiscuous type. Unfortunately, Hill was the latter. Until he kissed me at my own party with Bree in the next room, this hadn't bothered me.

Truth be told, Hill was in the right place at the right time; I had moved to Helsinki (see Flashback 47 here) and he was there, waiting for me to arrive, so that we could see eachother more often. Over time, I tired of his constant moaning, his boasting of male conquests and his constant bitching about Bree, my own boyfriend. Only now, three years later and with him out of the picture, in London and STILL trying to find himself, I realise that his mission had been to split Bree and I up. I'm proud to say, the strong character I am, he didn't even come close.

First, there was the constant partying; Hill always organised the party, but very rarely got invited to other's and this upset him. I was taught at a very young age 'to give, but not with the intent to receive'. Then there was the time when one of Hill's friend played Matchmaker by email. I wrote in the email that I wasn't attracted to Hill and had no intention of going there. She forwarded the email, word for word, to him! Imagine what a slap in the face that must have been to see such a rejection, despite your efforts, in an email. Then there was the time when he told me that he carried a certain substance through Helsinki airport. The sad thing was that he found it quite amusing. I held my tougue which is so unlike me, but it was at this point that I realised that I had to withdraw from this friendship.

As I tried to withdraw, part of me missed his company. I suppose his dramas made my new, lonely social life more bearable in Helsinki so we continued to see eachother. We were invited to his ex-boyfriend's house warming party and, having arrived already drunk, we slouched onto the sofa giggling away. These were the happy times, but why did Hill sway from one extreme to the other? Why couldn't he just be normal and not a pill-popping, yoga-loving, karma-seeking vain poof?

Then came a guy he had met on New Years Day a couple of years ago. Their relationship had blossomed or, at least, the other guy had led him on until Hill had well and truly fallen for him! Alarmingly, they had unprotected sex and, only later, the guy told him that he was HIV+. Naturally, I cursed Hill for being so bloody stupid, but later realised that it took bravery for Hill to admit being so reckless. We got him checked out, he was fine, but he still wanted to maintain the long-distance relationship with the guy who lied - or at least forgot! - to him about something so crucial. How can you trust someone like that?, I thought.

This guy really did cause problems for Hill and, as friends, I was on the receiving end of those problems. It materialised that, while Hill was in Helsinki, the other guy was also seeing someone else. You would think that someone with HIV+ would just be happy to have one person, but no, this guy was also the promiscuous type! Oh, dear, it was about to get messy.

As time passed, Hill got itchy feet, wishing more and more to move back to the UK. Eventually, last Autumn, he moved back. On a trip back home to celebrate a mutual friend's departure to Australia (see Normal Life posting, Weekend In England, on this page), Hill and I bumped into one another. I found out that the guy he had fallen for was now a cocaine addict, completely out of it. I reasoned with Hill, asking whether or not it was a reaction to the HIV. Perhaps the poor guy was rebelling, or perhaps his junky boyfriend was dragging him down the same slippery slope.

That was the last time I saw Hill, in January. We exchanged an email recently which, as usual, was full of the usual I've met someone, he's Dutch, he's gorgeous, he's got a lovely home, a great job in a store where I can get discounts! Oh, dear, I could see where this was going. Diplomatically, I wished him luck with the relationship and left things there. I haven't heard from him since then and, once again, I'm hoping I don't.

Like his own character from Beaches, the opportunist Hill invited tragedy wherever he went, tagging up with people who might look perfect on the surface, but later turn out not to be. As CC Bloom, I like to think I am a fabulous singer, but I'm not! But I have the ability to be a supportive friend over long periods of bad times and Hill taught me that that is one of my strengths.

As I settle down into a new job in a new company in this fabulous country (Finland), I think of Hill who was fired for underperforming, putting his personal self before everything else. What goes round comes around, eh? We all want the best for our friends, but sometimes your friends have to realise that the best support you can get is the support and self-respect you give yourself.