NORMAL LIFE: A Year Of Acheivement

On what is the last day of 2006, I am feeling nostalgic; my sister came to spend Christmas with Bree and I in Helsinki and it was clear that she wasn't 100% happy with her life back home. As we discussed her problems, I grew increasingly aware of how lucky I was. Furthermore, as I skim through the blog entries posted throughout this year, a sense of pride washes right over me; the articles serve as a wealth of memories. Fortunately, most of the memories are good ones.

When I returned to Finland in December 2005, I was an unemployed bum. I don't usually refer to unemployed people in such a negative sense, but not only was I unemployed, I was also a foreigner so it would be much harder for me to get a job. I'll never forget, however, the woman who took a huge risk in granting me a nine week contract. Nine weeks doesn't seem like alot, but it bought me time to find a new job whilst also bringing in some money; as I tried to perform well in the job, I was doing my Masters degree in marketing, studying Finnish two nights per week at night school, applying for jobs while also trying to stay in shape.

In April, after submitting 412 job applications, I finally landed a job at a great company. Two months later, I was promoted into a more responsible role. My situation had changed as quickly as my employers expectations had. I travelled regularly on business, all the while balancing my studies. In setting up my blog, I was able to share some great stories, such as when Finland won the Eurovision, when somebody sadly stole my new sandals, and trips to Gran Canaria, Croatia, Chicago and Lapland.

This autumn has been a busy season with training in London, recovering from what could have been a long-term neck injury, celebrating five years in Finland, becoming a Masters graduate, and celebrating Bree's 40th. With so much going on, it's no surprise then that it's already December 31st!

If I had to choose one word to somehow encapsulate 2006 it would be maturity. In 2006, for the first time in my life, I found myself making conscious decisions that may have a long term impact on my very development(e.g. returning to Finland, studying my Masters degree, taking on a responsible job). I can feel myself settling down which sometimes is quite unsettling for I have spent that last few years in a state of limbo. As a result, this newfound calmness feels somewhat alien. Part of me wants to enjoy this stability while another part is screaming out for something more.

As I look forward, there are several things I want to acheive in 2007. Firstly, I want to stop biting my fingernails; I've tried several times, but have 'fallen off the wagon'. In lieu of smoking (which I have never done) and drinking (which I do very rarely these days), nailbiting as disgusting as it sounds seems to be my only form of release. Since visiting Italy in Summer 2005, I have stopped biting my nails five times only to succumb to the old habit of knawing them off. It's disgusting and somewhat shameful and note in diary: must try harder!

Another thing I need to work on is my communication skills. In my current job and also in my personal life, there have been times when I wish I had listened more and reacted later (e.g. think before speaking). This isn't a huge problem, but is an invaluable skill which you can only teach yourself. With a more heightened awareness of my maturity, this resolution just shows that I have become more conscious - as an adult - as to my role in society.

When you have a history of profound deafness (it stays with you, even if technology aids you somewhat), are gay (it stays with you, even if you are fairly masculine) and a foreigner living in a foreign country, the challenges are overwhelming, but 2007 will be a very interesting year indeed. On a more fun level, there are some trips in the pipeline - I am hoping to visit an old colleague of mine in Japan, and possibly visits to Iceland and Canada with Bree.

On the whole, I am very happy and I wish for nothing but happiness for everyone. I will end this blog entry, the last blog entry of 2006, by wishing you lot's of luck and warmth for the New Year! Here's to 2007!

NORMAL LIFE: Do Christmas Differently

You can kind of understand why people get depressed at Christmas time. Rather than being a celebration of the birth of our saviour (don't get me started on that, I'm an Atheist), the 21st Century Christmas actually symbolises a period of stress and unfulfilled expectations. Without Christmas, however, a Finnish winter would be very difficult to get through; the rituals and the days off work help you to recharge your batteries, they really do.

I'm not really religious. How can I even begin to believe when the Old Testament is just full of mind boggling stuff such as the parting of seas to set slaves free and the equipping of the Ark with a male and female of every species of animal known to man. I'm like, get a grip!

For me, Christmas is a time to relax and spend time with my loved one. When I talk of my loved one, I talk about Bree. After all, he is my family now; biology dictates that we will never have children, at least not biological children of our own. Relaxation aside, music means alot to me at this time of year. You've got your traditional carols, but then you've got the popular Mary's Boy Child by Boney M and Do They Know It's Christmas Time? by Band Aid; the original one is still the best. And why is that, given how many people have released a version of Silent Night, I have yet to heard a happy version of it? I mean, wasn't the birth of our saviour a happy event? Then why does every version of Silent Night have a funereal overtone to it? Michael Bolton's version - the last one I have heard - makes you want to blow your brains out.

The winner of the Christmas songs has to be Celine Dion's underated The Magic Of Christmas Day (God Bless Us Everyone). Unlike most of her songs, which dwell on love, this Christmas song boasts lyrics that are lively and motivating, just what people need after all that stressful Christmas shopping. The song tells of how lucky and blessed we all are and emphasises the importance of family and friends, without resorting to any religious references or 'let's party' corniness. You can read the lyrics of this very special, relatively undiscovered of Christmas songs on Celine Dion's official website here.

Many people get depressed at Christmas time, harbouring resentment towards it as society dictates that you celebrate it. Take a leaf out of my book - shut yourself away with your loved one and listen to music together. If music be the food of love, let the music play on.

And, by the way, Merry Christmas!

NORMAL LIFE: No Longer Blue (Because of Blue)

This week, I felt honoured. Each day, I have met a friend, someone I truly value. They have wanted to see me and, in my yearning for social stimulation, I have wanted to see them. My depression of last week feels like it was a long time ago and the loneliness that overcame me has evaporated.

I left the office at 4pm yesterday and, as I headed towards Pasila railway station, the last of a dazzling sunset warmed my heart. It's funny how, in the modern world, we have come somewhat desensitised e.g. in the hustle and bustle of life, very little seems to impress us. However, when nature presents the awesome display of a sunset like it did last night, the animal inside us stares in wonder. I wanted to share these pictures with you, some of the fewer brighter days in Helsinki!

NORMAL LIFE: All You Need Is Laughs!

Comedy goes a long way during the long, dark Finnish winters. Without it, I would surely die. You think I'm joking. It's really interesting to see how comedy has evolved over the last ten years. American comedy, Friends, took the world by storm and then the BBC added to the selection with comedies such as Absolutely Fabulous and Gimme Gimme Gimme. Much more recently, The Catherine Tate Show has joined the fold of award-winning comedy.

When it comes to originality though, relative newcomeis Kath and Kim from Down Under (that's Australia, by the way) are the bees knees. I enjoyed their episodes so much recently that I had to find their website. The minute to click on the Kath and Kim website, the laughs start straight away with Kim huffing "Keep it in your pants, it's not that sort of website!"

Australia is by no means famous for producing mainstream comedy, but this might just make it. Kath and Kim represent a mother and daughter duo, but without the maternal element; instead, they bicker and real-life issues such as splitting up with your boyfriend, putting on weight, sexuality and later-in-life marriage become the butt of jokes. When talking about sexuality, wondering whether or not daughter Kim is a lesbian, Kath says: "You know, I find sexuality to be a very fluid thing" to which Kim responds: "God, keep your fluids to yourself, Mum!"

Meanwhile, the website has some extras with Kath having an opinion (like everyone else, I supposed) about Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles' connubials. She says: Camilla finally gets to park her bowls under Prince Charles' bed. It's great to see a couple of right royal baby boomers going for it hammer and tong! Changing the subject, Kim reveals that Posh Spice has never read a book. Kath asks "What about her own autobiography?" to which Kim tells how Posh read half then lost interest! "Didn't we all!", Kath retorts.

I've asked for Series 2 for Christmas and, if it's one of the things in Santa's sack, Christmas will be laugh, eh Kimmy?!

NORMAL LIFE: My Second One Year

This is my 'second one year' back in Finland. You might have cottoned on that the point of this blog was to document the memories of my four - now five - years in Finland. Well, I left Finland at the end of August 2005, but I returned with my beloved Bree on December 19th so, in effect, this is the one year anniversary of that return. So, what do I make of things second time around?

Well, it is December, it is dark and the weather is downright miserable so this might play on any opinions I put forth right now. However, it's all part and parcel of living this far north so any opinion is valid. Life is all about people, how we interact and how we all get the best out of each day. When you're a foreigner living in someone else' country, you often feel like a second class citizen which, for a Brit, is hard to stomach. Culture is another thing - you can read about The Big C here.

The most frustrating thing about living in Finland is the people. Like I said before, people are important. Finns have learnt not to rely on their fellow countrymen to get them through the seasons, but they have quite cleverly mastered the art of boozing as a way of infiltrating the anti-social exterior of their fellow citizens. Given that I'm quite a social person, I'm frustrated by the lack of social stimulation at this time of year. It has hardly been below freezing point so far this year yet people use the darkness as an excuse to be downright miserable. Given that we have about 90 minutes less daylight per day than London, this extreme behaviour is inexcusable and I refuse to conform to ways of the zombie-like locals. Furthermore, I refuse to lower myself to the point of borderline alcoholism just so I may be considered socially acceptable.

At the risk of generalising, Finns harbour three distinct characteristics; modesty, silence and a limited ability to socialise. Picture this: you turn up at a party where there may already be ten other guests. The custom is to go around the room and introduce yourself to everybody, which is strange given that you might not even speak to most of the people again during the whole evening. I am very social and, by contrast, I have yet to meet a Finnish equivalent; a mix of reservedness and modesty actually impedes a Finns ability to communicate effectively, until the vodka bottle comes out. Strangely, Finns are proud of - and amused by - this dependence on alcohol. The ironic thing is you are more likely to hear a Finn laugh wholeheartedly into a phone - using a Nokia, no less - than in person.

One thing that is noticeable in Finland, however, which I really admire is their intention to hang onto their traditions. This is understandable, given that Finland is still in her youth. Independent only since 1917, Finland has benefitted from taking all the knowledge from other countries and actually doing many things better on a relatively new clean slate. The preservation of their traditions convey a sense of patriotism which is admirable and something I have never witnessed in the UK; such is the cost of multiculturalism e.g. the watering down of national identity. The evident resistence to multiculturalism could actually be misconstrued as racism, but the proof of Finland's resistance is there in the form of national statistics; since 2000, Finland hasn't managed to fill its annual quota of just 750 refugees (read more here). Admittedly, Finland feels quite safe and it is therefore debatable whether the lack of foreigners - a concentration of have-nots, if you will - actually corresponds to a reduced level of crime.

Security is a big issue for Finns who, until now, have refused to join the North Atlantic Treaty Organisation (NATO). This raises another characteristic typical of Finns. They are incredibly naive, perceiving that safety is a god-given right , believing that maintaining neutrality will guarantee them security. Let me give you an example. It's 9pm on a cold, dark winter evening and there are kids playing ice hockey - they range from 7 to 11 years of age and there are no parents in sight. The very suggestion that a child might be abducted is greeted with ridicule. Many a time I have been told that abduction, paedophilia and sexual abuse do not exist in Finland. Read this and this, folks! This naivety is somewhat admirable and respectable. Admirable in the sense that we all want to live in that safe microcosm. Respectable in the sense that, while the threats may not exist on the scale that they may do in the UK or in the US, I still wouldn't allow my own child to even risk becoming a statistic.

The city of Helsinki is interesting for, somehow, each part of the city represents a section of society. You have the widowed, wealthy ladies of Katajanokka, who still (albeit rudely) reserve seats in Stockmann's cafe using their hats and gloves. You have the snobs of the city who wear the strinkingly odd Swedish ensemble of dark trousers with bright brown shoes. Meanwhile, there are noisy skateboarders downtown, while drunks and addicts wander around Kallio aimlessly, regularly using the tram as some kind of halfway house. At the same time, there are the well-to-do baby boomers of Töölö, with immigrants to the East and families to the West. The formation of the city's inhabitants is due somewhat to the city's bureaucratic administration. Helsinki, indeed Finland, excels in something I wish the UK would do better - public administration. I have been harrassed endlessly for every last bit of tax and, although I don't like it, it's actually the right thing to do. After all, why should somebody else subsidise my contribution?

This form of 'state bullying' has contributed somewhat to the higher-than-average honesty of the Finns. While a Finn can maintain an almost deathly silence to make his/her point, the minute he/she opens her mouth, it is to tell you something that he/she truly believes. There's no bullshit coming from these people's mouths. You can always choose to disregard what they say, but you generally know where you stand with a Finn, be it in a good or bad place. And it this honesty and straightforwardness that is admirable for, in the US and even in the UK, people love to go round the houses to make their point which is a waste of everybody's time.

As I walked to the tram stop this morning on my way to work, I dragged my feet through the thin, 2cm layer of snow. I looked up at the sky and, towards the horizon, a nice orange glow was starting to form. Full of hope - that's all we have in Finland at this time of year - I wondered if this would be the start of a sunny day or another miserable one. And that's where we come to the most crucial, defining aspect of what it means to be a Finn: nature. Off the top of my head, there are four consistent images of what a Finn values when he/she talks about nature - berries, sauna, forest and snow. Berries are fantastic, even the bitter ones. And saunas are great, even when there is hot summer weather outside. The forest attracts people, even when they infested with the season's mosquitoes and they just can't get enough of snow; they claim the snow brightens up the day, but how can this be when there's rarely any sun? Quite clearly, it's all in their head!

The plain truth is that I like Finland's simplicity, and the way it is determined to preserve it's traditions in the face of growing multiculturalism. Looking to the future, it's looks very bright. Spring is coming, followed by Summer. Even the Autumn's are somewhat reasonable now that global warming has made it a bit warmer! When I came back to Finland a year ago, I was an unemployed bum for five months. Now, I have a highly responsible job which keeps me on my toes and I am alot happier than when I left Finland in August 2005.

Given the daily challenges that I face, even after five years in Finland, living in Finland is a very character-building experience. If I didn't tolerate the day-to-day things, I wouldn't last five minutes let alone five years in Finland, but the fact that it is different and the daily experiences, be they highs or lows, makes my life rich!

NORMAL LIFE: Bree Turns 40!

What a night it was last night! The culmination of months of dread (on Bree's part), Bree's 40th birthday turned out to be a huge success and not as bad as he had anticipated.

We woke up early in the morning, and I made us fried eggs for breakfast. As we ate, he opened his cards and his presents. Of course, I saved the best for last which was a Tag Heuer Formula One watch, a tasteful quality watch full of features I'll never fully comprehend which, in hindsight, somehow encompasses Bree's own sophistication and complexity. Bree conveyed his delight by repeatedly trying on the watch and glancing at it from every possible angle.

Bree had to finish preparing for the evening's party; rather than get in caterers or organise a venue, we decided to handle everything ourselves. While I cleaned, Bree baked wonderful pies and made a gorgeous chocolate cake. In the afternoon, we headed to a nearby fire station where one of Bree's friends was celebrating her own 40th brithday with relatives and family.

When we arrived, we were the happy gay couple, smartly pressed and dressed, bearing flowers for the birthday girl. Otherwise, the room was full of tired-looking straight Mum's and Dad's who had put on what resembled pyjama's for this special event and, to make things worse, the place was full of screaming kids!

After a late afternoon nap (you need them at this time of year because the darkness just exhausts you), we got up with the final preparations to do; lighting the candles, putting the CDs in place, making the first round of welcome cocktails. I was really in the mood to party and, over the next eight hours, Bree and I worked our way around the room with twenty guests to entertain; there were cocktails to start, followed by wine with the dinner and coffee with the cake followed by a series of strong bowls of punch!

The first people started to leave around 11pm, after which time I gave a speech to the ten or so remaining guests:-

I shouldn't tell you this, but Bree has been dreading this day. It's easy for me to say don't worry, it will be fine. But it's true, it will be fine. Tomorrow is just another day with another milestone looming in the distance, be it your 50th or your 60th! Bree has achieved alot in his life so far and he always has a plan to build on top of what is already there. This very approach has been a very positive influence on me.

Rather than think of Bree as a 40 year old, I tend to think of him as two twenty year olds rolled into one, especially when he's in one of his playful moods. Like all of us, he has his cranky moments, but his energy and his sometimes annoying but humourous playfulness is what separates him from other 40 year olds.

As for the wrinkles he is constantly referring to, I saw a card in a shop in Liverpool recently which really captures the very essence of Bree. It said that wrinkles merely indicate where the smiles have been; after nearly five years together, we are still smiling! And I know that inside he's smiling now because he has friends around him to help him celebrate the first of many special birthdays!

After that, I opened the mini-bar, an opportunity for people to have what they wanted. At 3am, my friend Zack (read about him here), his girlfriend and I retreated to the kitchen where we heated up some of the food we had started on seven hours earlier! As we ate, we laughed and joked about our night out, when Zack and I ended up in a gay bar! Hilarious!

The night ended just before 4am, when three of Bree's friends left and Zack and his girlfriend left. After a quick clean up, we landed back in bed, quite pleased with ourselves and feeling surprisingly good. Bree said that he was glad that the whole thing was over. So am I, I said, so am I! It was at that point that I decided that I wouldn't have a party for my 30th; instead, I would rather go away for my birthday. After all, why should we entertain people like this all the time (see here)??

NORMAL LIFE: Giving & Taking - Taxes

The beginning of December can be a trying time for the Finnish taxpayers. Each spring, the authorities send a notice of what they believe to have been your liability for the previous year and, if you underpaid your tax, ask that you kindly pay the enclosed bill(s). You can object, though, if you feel you have an expense that qualifies as a deduction.

This what I did (see here). Not before time, the authorities returned my social security payments into the Finnish system rather than accept the UK social security payments as a deduction. Who can blame them given that UK social security costs are significantly higher? The UK need money for bombs that cost £750k a pop to find WMD that don't exist, you see!

Anyway, I'm €500 richer today than I was yesterday, which will go towards my winter holiday, thank you very much! Like I said, some aren't so lucky; I didn't escape unscathed this year either for I paid taxes amounting to €2,500 last month for tax I didn't pay when I left Finland last year. Here was me thinking I could get away with it! That's lfe, I suppose - give and take!

ANNOUNCEMENT: Happy Birthday, Blog!

On December 9th, my blog had been sitting in cyberspace for one year. Happy Birthday, my dear blog! The blog has been a labour of love, documenting many highs and lows with:

- more than 50 Flashbacks
- nearly 100 Articles covering every subject under the sun
- the occasion sharing of Humour; and
- topical Out Of Interest culture-related postings.

As I near the end of the project to document the most memorable moments from my time in Finland (November 2001 onwards) , the blog may need to change.

One idea I have been tinkering with is to delve deeper into the past, remembering those childhood holidays, recalling those precious family moments, the tribulations of being a young deaf child in a mainstream school.

There's are just hundreds of stories just waiting to explode onto this blog. Let's see how this blog has evolved by the time it is 2 years old!

NORMAL LIFE: Last Night's Cry

I'm depressed, and I don't know why. I have a good job, a loving partner. Admittedly, my social life could be better, but with Christmas and a New Year to look forward to, why did I cry last night?

The Finnish winter has a funny way of creeping up on you; it is dark until about 9am, and the darkness returns sometime before 3.30pm. With the absence of snow, the lack of daylight before and after work makes for constant darkness.

Fortunately, it has been quite warm and, while the Finns are yearning for snow, I would rather jump straight to Spring. It's true, though, that there's nothing quite like the sun's rays bouncing off the snow on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon with a blue sky!

Socially, my 'friends' have all but deserted me; nothing happens unless I call them. Nothing happens unless I organise something. Weeks - sometimes months - can pass by and I hear nothing from the people I think - or thought - were friends.

Friends don't come easy no matter where you live, but 2007 will certainly be a year when the aquaintances get ditched and those I truly value remain. Sounds heartless, doesn't it, but why give your all to those who don't appreciate it when you can channel that energy into developing true friendships?

In truth, I am a kind of gyspy. All my life, I have constantly moved around; I have lived throughout the UK, in Spain and now Finland. Some of my best friends live in Tampere, the first city I lived in when I moved to Finland more than five years ago, and they still live there. Sometimes I miss them, especially when I am low and need someone to tell me to snap out of it.

The life of an ex-pat is not an easy one; sometimes it is a lonely one, but the good times certainly outweight the bad ones. And guess what? I'm smiling again!

STEP BACK IN TIME: Flashbacks 55 - 61 now online!

Click on JULY 2004 to read:-
- FLASHBACK #55: Mum, Dad & Bree Meet In Helsinki
- FLASHBACK #56: Bonny Scotland, Summer 2004 (Part 3)
- FLASHBACK #56: Bonny Scotland, Summer 2004 (Part 2)
- FLASHBACK #56: Bonny Scotland, Summer 2004 (Part 1)

Click on SEPTEMBER 2004 to read:-
- FLASHBACK #57: St. Petersburg With The Swedish Finn

Click on OCTOBER 2004 to read:-
- FLASHBACK #58: Revelations in Rauma
- FLASHBACK #59: My First Jackolantern

Click on DECEMBER 2004 to read:-
- FLASHBACK #60: When Miss Knight Turned Up On A Special Day
- FLASHBACK #61: JP's Choice

NORMAL LIFE: That Christmas Feeling

You know Christmas is coming when the work parties and the parties hosted by friends start and you spend most of the next day ambling around senselessly because you drank too much.

You know Christmas is coming when the Christmas market opens in Helsinki's Esplanade and you brave the crowds just to get a glimpse of the handicrafts on offer.

You know Christmas is coming when you settle down on a Sunday afternoon and write Christmas cards to your friends in Finland and faraway countries such as Australia and South Africa, wishing you were there because it was brighter and warmer.

You know Christmas is coming when your sister calls to ask if there's any snow yet for her forthcoming visit to Finland and you explain that global warming has taken its toll and snow has yet to arrive, but you never know.

These are just some of the things that have occured during the run up to my very own Christmas. All the hustle and bustle, the to-do list, the to-see list. Without Christmas, winter in Finland would be depressing indeed.

STEP BACK IN TIME: Flashbacks Are Back (#50 - #54)

After a long break from creating these Flashbacks, I'm pleased to present five new Flashbacks to kick-off 2004 with.

Click on JANUARY 2004 to read:-
- FLASHBACK #50: Part 2 - New Years In Amsterdam

Click on FEBRUARY 2004 to read:-
- FLASHBACK #51: Sliding With Dozy

Click on APRIL 2004 to read:-
- FLASHBACK #52: Floridian Adventure (Part 1)
- FLASHBACK #52: Floridian Adventure (Part 2)
- FLASHBACK #52: Floridian Adventure (Part 3)

Click on MAY 2004 to read:-
- FLASHBACK #53: Coming Out (Part 1) - Taking A Stand
- FLASHBACK #53: Coming Out (Part 2) - A Dad's Reaction

Click on JUNE 2004 to read:
- FLASHBACK #54: MidSummer In The City with JP

To bring this blog up to when I returned to Finland (November 2005), there is a further 20-30 blog entries in the pipeline with some pretty exciting stuff to come so keep visiting!