NORMAL LIFE: Her Maj Turns 80!

Grand old Queen Elizabeth turns 80 today! And don't she look fab?! I checked out the official website of the British Monarchy to see what was going on and came across a microsite dedicated to the Queen's 80th Birthday. Access it here.

I know pretty much all there is to know about our Queen, but I couldn't resist clicking on the '80 facts about the Queen' link. I found out that she's the 40th monarch since William the Conqueror, that she speaks fluent French and is Patron of more than 620 charities and organisations.

She has visited 129 countries, including Australia (15 times), Canada (23 times), Jamaica (six times) and New Zealand (10 times). The Queen has sat for 139 official portraits during her lifetime, two of which were with The Duke of Edinburgh. Talk about hogging the limelight, eh?!

It's not that I am a staunch monarchist. It's just that I honestly believe that the day we lose our queen, who is also a symbol of constancy for all members of the Commonwealth, is the day the Monarchy is doomed. As one Australian friend of mine said recently during a debate about the Monarchy. "It's not Her Maj we have a problem with, it's those blasted kids of 'ers." And let's face it, the guys got a point (even if he Australian!). The queen, graceful and still looking beautiful (for an 80-year-old!), has spawned four ugly kids who just don't know how to behave.

Let's start with Charles. He's been a nightmare ever since his proposal to Diana. When he replied to a reporter's question as to whether or not they were in love, Charles nodded his head, adding 'whatever love is'. What a prick! He has proven himself to be incapable of showing any form of emotion and, after having one of the most beautiful women in the world as a wife, ended up marrying a horse who likes to wear wellies. Like a BBC correspondent once said: "they're like a pair of comfy old slippers"!

Then came Anne. God, is there nothing the surgeons can do about those teeth? And don't get me started on her sense of fashion, or lack of! What amazes me, though, is how good looks seem to have jumped a generation right across the royal family. I mean, have you seen her son, Peter Phillips? He's gorgeous! Anne has a penchant for raising dogs that want to eat passersby and, like brother Charles, couldn't resist filing for divorce.

Then there's the Duke of York. He's always been my favourite of the Royals, but one can't be surprised that, if he really is flying from golf course to golf course, the weight was bound to pile on. Dubbed the Duke of Pork in recent years, Andrew divorced wife, Sarah Ferguson, but hasn't remarried. At first, I thought he might be gay, but that's the other one, isn't it?

Yes, Edward, perhaps the only Royal who literally 'bought' his wife. That's my theory, anyway. I mean, let's face it, Sophie has her faults, but she's way too good for him! Edward, Edward... what is there to say about Edward? I'm stumped. I imagine that if the Royal Family is to have any credibility whatsoever, this marriage will need to remain intact. Watch this space!

But I don't have one bad word to say about the Queen. She has style, grace and it's not as if she can put her hands up and say 'I resign!'. Well, she can, but it just isn't done. The longer she stays where she is, the more likely the throne will go straight to William and his looks have gone to pot recently, too!

But the Queen is 80 and her 1.8 billion subjects throughout the Commonwealth have seen her as a constant, someone dedicated to her role. Not once has scandal toppled this woman nor has she courted controversy. If she's made of the same stuff her mother was made of, she'll be around for another 20 years yet!

Happy Birthday, Your Majesty!