NORMAL LIFE: Why?

We end this month asking 'why?'

• Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
• If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
• Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
• Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
• Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
• Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
• Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
• Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
• If you can measure the speed of light, what is the speed of darkness?
• If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
• Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
• How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
• Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder......

• Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
• Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
• Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
• Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream ??
• If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
• If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
• Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
• Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
• Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

My favourites are...

• Why does your Obstetrician/ Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
• Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

NORMAL LIFE: MidSummer 2007

Once again, the traditional celebration of Juhannus, better known as Midsummer, arrived in Finland last week. Celebrated with passion throughout the Nordic countries, tradition dictates that you must a) retreat the countryside, b) go to the sauna, c) jump in the still-cold (it might be midsummer, but it's still chilly sometimes) lakes and d) drink lot's of beer or whatever your favourite tipple may be.

This year, however, we decide to deviate from the norm, although not too much. We decided to visit Koli National Park in the Eastern province of North Karelia. We departed already on the Thursday, a 500km drive ahead of us. On the way, we passed through countless cities which, until now, had merely been places which other people had told me about or where friends and colleagues alike had been born. Heading East of Helsinki, we passed Porvoo, Loviisa and Kotka before arriving at Hamina, where Bree provided a brief guided tour in the town where had completed his national service; we passed an ornate church before heading through a 'military district' consisting of prestigious buildings, an army barracks and training grounds.


Further East and not far from the Russian border, we reached Vironlahti and suddenly came upon the outdoor Bunker Museum. We paid a quick visit to this unique 'final frontier' which, in fact, did not come into direct combat during the Continuation War against Russia in 1944. Built while war raged on further East, the area marks the start of a 1200km long defence line heading to the very north of Finland.

After fortification works ended in 1944, the Salpa Line - as it became known - featured 728 reinforced concrete bunkers and 3,000 wooden field fortifications. As such, the line stretched some 30 municipalities. Its construction involved 35,000 men and 2 000 members of women's auxiliary defence services.

If Russia had broken all other defence lines, this would have been Finland's last opportunity to defend herself; this stark finality is conveyed in a ten minute documentary during which footage of a bombed Helsinki and a panicked public was shown. The place is a powerful testament of Finland's determination to defeat their Eastern neighbour.

Whilst Finland conceded much land during the war, the knowledge of Finland's powerful final frontier proved a valuable deterant to Russian advance. At the museum, there's a number of bunkers, a collection of artillery, an anti-tank rock formation and an exhibition centre. If you ever venture that far East, it's certainly worth a visit.

We continued on our journey, somewhat numbed (at least I was) by the experience at the Bunker Museum in Vironlahti. Further along the highway, we encountered a string of trucks waiting their turn for entry to Russia at the roadside which feature quite often in the national press; the tardiness of the Russian authorities angers locals on the Finnish side who have to endure scenes like this almost daily.

We head north towards the city of Lapeenranta which, until now, had been a city I had heard of many times from various contacts. Being in the city on this particularly sunny day, however, I was charmed by its appealing harbour, as seen from atop the fortress which overlooks the Saimaa, the southernmost gateway to Finland's Karelian lake district. We walked along the ridge of Lappeenranta's fortress, taking the time to stretch our legs after the several hours of driving undertaken already.

We continued with our journey, heading northeast towards the Russian border town of Imatra. Perhaps the youngest city in all Finland, Imatra was founded in 1948 around a number of industrial settlements. Today, the Lake Saimaa Canal, the River Vuoksi and the Finnish-Russian border are key features of the area; the nearest Russian town, Svetogorsk, is just seven kilometres away!

Just before we reached the city of Imatra, however, we noticed the Saimaa canal, a crucial waterway linking Finland with it's eastern neighbour while also granting access to Finland's lake district from those travelling from the south and east. Bree emphasised the importance of the Saimaa canal so I was motivated to do some research of my own: spanning some 4,400km2, Lake Saimaa is the biggest lake in Finland and the fourth largest in Europe. The Saimaa Canal itself has existed in some shape or form since 1499, but the current canal was built during 1963-1968 in cooperation with the then Soviet Union.

We watched a cargo ship make the transition north using one of the three locks on the Finnish side of the border; within ten to fifteen minutes, the cargo ship of Norwegian origin was continuing its journey through the Saimaa canal; what an amazing invention, I thought to myself. Time was passing quickly and we still had a long way to go so, foregoing the actual city of Imatra, we headed further north towards the city of Joensuu, a university town which is also the capital of the region of Northern Karelia. The city was established by Czar Nikolai I in 1848, some 400 kilometres from Helsinki.

It was nearing 6pm so we had no time to stop but, changing routes, we headed further north on Route 6, towards the crossroads (in the middle of nowhere so it seemed) at Ahmovaara. We turned right, towards what can only be described as a dense forest of towering spruce trees. The roads meandered through the trees until we reached Kolinkyla (Koli village). A few kilometres further, we started to climb. Just after 7pm, we had pulled into the car park of Sokos Hotel, Koli, our home for the next three nights. The room was furnished in warm, cosy colours, with a wooden floor and perhaps the best view I have ever seen; some 300m below spread Lake Pielinen, Finland's fifth largest lake covering an area of some 894KM². Having arrived a Koli National Park, we settled down in the hotel's restaurant, seated right next the window where, once again, we marvelled at the view. We ordered Sauteed Reindeer and, while we waited, went through some material we had collected at the hotel reception. Located in northern Karelia, Koli rests on the western shore of Lake Pielinen. The park covers some 3,000 hectares. The purpose of the park is to protect the national landscape of Koli and old growth forests in the foothills, as well as to maintain plant communities created by slash-and-burn agriculture.

The hills at Koli are remnants of the ancient Karelian mountain chain which formed almost 2000 million years ago as continental plates collided, causing thick sanstone strata to become metamorphised and folded. Ukko-Koli, the highest point in the chain, and also in Southern Finland, raises to 347m above sea level and 253m above Lake Pielinen. It was quite clear that we would need to pay a visit to Ukko-Koli.

The next two days turned out to be somewhat relaxing. On the Friday, we did a recommended 8km trek down to the Koli harbour, back up through Kasken Kierros, a marked train indicating the importance of slash-and-burn agriculture which demonstrates how the burning of trees make the land fertile for subsequent plant life. Interestingly, we passed a series of ant hills which was a new thing for me. Not much call for those in the City of London. Along the trail were information points - also in English - which served to educate ignorant city people like myself who knew very little about nature itself. We walked towards a place call Mattila, where we encountered a flock of sheep who rushed our way. After a bit of petting, we left Mattila via a mass of colourful flowers.

Further on, at Ollila, we came across cows, which looked suspiciously in our direction. We made our way across a meadow, very much like those you used to hear about in children's books that were read to you as a child. We made our way through some dense growth and finally got back onto the trail (we hadn't even noticed we had come off the trail!). Half an hour away, we climbed up the steep hill that would take us back to our hotel. After a brief stop, we proceed towards Ukko-Koli, the highest point (347m) in Southern Finland. It wasn't an arduous climb for fit guys like us, but you need to be quite agile to climb onto the series of rocks; the views were just out of this world and I came to realise two things.

First of all, I started to understand why Finns wanted to stay in Finland during their Summer Holiday. Secondly, I started to understand why the Russians wanted this place. It's beautiful and certainly worthy of Unesco recognition! After posing for photos, we moved onto the other peaks of Akka-Koli (339m) and Paha-Koli (334m), both of which also offered stupendous views of the wonderful Finnish landscape.

The weather had proven to be wonderful; bright and sunny, but not too warm so as to make us trekkers work up a sweat. The trail was a round trip so, just after lunchtime, we found ourselves back at the hotel. We decided to rest so we got on our shorts (it was getting warmer), grabbed towels and sunbathed in a relatively private area just behind the hotel. I dozed in the sun for what felt like forever. Later in the afternoon, we took beer and cider to the on-site sauna, prepared to kick-off Midsummer Eve with the customary drink and the undertaking of traditions such as the sauna. After dinner, we returned to our room where we drank a bottle of wine whilst admiring the view.

Just before 9pm, we headed towards the ski lift to make our way down to Lake Pielinen; there, we grilled sausages and watched the Midsummer bonfire - symbolising light itself - burn atop the azure blue of the lake. I suddenly realised that, from this day, each day would be fractionally shorter. I took a gulp of my sparkling wine, quickly dispelling the thought! Around the grilling site, we were surrounding by young parents and their children, each one anxiously awaiting their grilled sausage; it was a rather cute display!

Back in our hotel room by 11pm, we were once again gazing out at the incredible view; the blue sky, still bright from the glow of the midsummer sun, seemed to blend in with the blue of the lake, the only thing separating it being the band of lush green forest. After some wine, a can of cider and a helping of cognac, it was time for bed!

We woke up just in time for breakfast; we had a schedule to keep so after breakfast, we drove to Koli harbour in plenty of time to catch the car ferry to Lieksa, which sits on the Eastern shorline of Lake Pelinen. During the ninety minute cruise, we passed countless islands, some of which housed isolated summer cottages and private beaches. Despite the cold wind, it was wonderful to glide past this remote area.

We disembarked just before 1pm and made away through the town of Lieksa (pop: 14,000). On this day, however, the population was more like 100 for people had abandoned the town in favour of summer cottages for Midsummer. As a result, very little made us stay in Lieksa so, having scanned the map, we decided to pay a trip to a series of waterfalls very close to the Russian border.

Within thirty minutes, we had pulled into the car park of the Hiking Centre at Ruunaa. Whilst not in the mood for hiking, we took time to wander around the nearby rapids of Ruunankoski where we watched paddlers navigate the nooks and crannies of the wild water. It was an area of natural beautiful, comparable to the marshland reminiscent of Florida in the USA. The weather was warm, there were no mosquitoes (which are usually quite common at this time of year) and it was calming to watch the river flow rapidly past our feet. Nearby, stood a mass of spruce trees proudly showing off the bright green tips of this year's growth.

We made our way back to Lieksa, heading north towards the town of Nurmes, which sits at the northernmost edge of Lake Pielienen. We left the town of Lieksa via a bridge which provided a wonderfully landscaped view of this model village with apparently no people. An hour later, we reached Nurmes, but rather than making an appearance in the town itself (if it was anything like Lieksa, we wouldn't be missing much anyway!), Bree drove us to the local Bomba House.

The house has an interesting story. It was built in 1855 by a Karelian peasant, Jegor Bombin, for his only son, using logs and no nails or metal parts. Measuring 25m long and 10m wide, the house was home to as many as 24 people plus resident cattle. When Bombin died in 1915, the estate was divided among his five sons (how does a supposed peasant even build an estate in the first place, I wondered) quite literally; the Bomba house was pulled down in 1934 and the logs were divided among the brothers. At least three of them built a house of their own from their share.

In 1974, a committee was founded to search a good site for the rebuilding of the Bomba House and in 1975 plans came to fruition when the town of Nurmes provided a piece of land and backed the project. The founding company was established in 1976 the aim being to build only the Bomba house, but soon the plans were revised and a whole village was built. The building started in 1977 and the Karelian village was finished in 1978. What we saw during our visit was pretty impressive. The buildings are appealing and appear to be amazingly solid structures so unlike the buildings made today.

The nearby lake provided a welcome contrast to the well maintained buildings of the Bomba village. A solitary rowing boat rested on the shore near the still water and, for a moment, I thought I was in an episode of the Little House On The Prairie. Any second now, people wearing the clothes like the Bombin family would have worn would walk by and play games and keep eachother entertained in ways which would seem alien to us now.

We move on, this time heading south along the western shore of Lake Pielinen. I dozed during the drive, but we arrived at our hotel around 5pm, well and truly knackerred. Once again, it was time for a sauna. Armed with a can of lager for Bree and a can of sweet cider for myself, we lolled about in the sauna, exhausted from the touring. After dinner in the restaurant - I ate a warm chicken salad - we retired to our room where we drank some cognac and watched TV. I, myself, regularly glanced out of the window for I knew that, soon, we would need to leave this place and that all this would become yet another memory.

The drive back to Helsinki the next morning started already at 10am. It would take us seven hours to get home as hundreds of thousands of Finns scrambled to get back to their homes in time for work the next day. On the way, however, we stopped in the city of Savonlinna, famous for it's Summer Opera Festival at Olavinlinna, one of Finland's best preserved medieval fortresses.

Built in 1475 by a Danish Knight, the fortress' purpose was to serve as a deterrant to Finland's tyranical Eastern neighbours. We opted for a guided tour, during which the guide claimed that Olavinlinna (named after St. Olaf, who was King of Norway from 1015-1028) was the oldest preserved medieval castle in the world! Hmmm, I wonder!

The tour was very interesting because you could see the original structure built by the Swedes, and the subsequent changes made by the Russians when they had overun the area of Savo on several occasions. A hotly contested region, strategically important to the Finns, the castle enjoyed consider visitors from all over the world on what should have a dead weekend. I was surprised in more ways than one and was equally impressed when a huge luxury liner, bearing the Union Jack flag, passed by the castle's river as we left.

We continued on our way home, hitting traffic as we approched the popoular hotspot of Heinola. Taking a detour, it would take another two hours to get home. When we finally arrived at home, we were relieved. Our midsummer had been wonderful, not your usual relaxing type of midsummer, but one full of memories. Bree would now have the challenge of explaing why he had not attended the family summer cottage this midsummer. His reason: his father had expressed his discontent of the 'lifestyle' he had chosen. Feeling like the 'other woman' in a love triangle, it was with a sudden thump back into reality that we arrived in Helsinki.

For more information on many of the places we visits, you can visit Karelia Expert here.

NORMAL LIFE: MidSummer 2007 (Pic-Preview)

NORMAL LIFE: Unlikely Source Of Inspiration

Maybe books are not such an unlikely source of inspiration, after all. I just finished reading Teacher Man by Frank McCourt, which tells of his life as an English Teacher in some hellhole - and some exclusive - schools during the 1950s and 1960s in New York. It's interesting because, for the first time, I came to realise how challenging it must be to teach a group of kids of such varied backgrounds during a period of enormous change. What with Frank McCourt's miserable childhood - I have read his preceeding books, Angela's Ashes and 'Tis - he was able to wow them for weeks on end with tales of woe and dreams of moving to the US for a slice of the American Dream.

What I learnt most from this book is that the author has had an otherwise unremarkable life. Born and raised in poverty in the slums of Limerick, moves to US, becomes a teacher, blah, blah, blah! Sometimes I feel that he is like poor little me, the Irishman who had the miserable childhood. Yawn, yawn! But on the upside, he inspired me. At 30, I could easily write a book about my life so far. Without a hint of vanity, I could write about deafness as a child, my speech impairment being mocked by my own cruel Uncles, suffering from acne for nine years before receiving a miracle cure let alone my homosexuality. Kind of makes moving the US and becoming a teacher seem plain, doesn't?! But it's all in how you write and, there, Frank McCourt is fantastic whereas I am just plain dull!

Confident that I can perfect my prose (McCourt didn't write his first book until he was 66!), I downloaded some free mind-mapping software which helped me to put all my memories/thoughts on paper rather than rattling around in my brain. The problem I now have is choosing what to include and what to discard. Bugger!

This year has been a very active year of reading; I finished reading Harry Potter And The Half-blood Prince and eagerly await the final installment (due out in July, I am so sad I have pre-ordered it from Amazon). This was followed by reading two books inspired by the TV series, Lost.

Most recently, however, I finished reading Dean Koontz' semi-supernatural thriller, From The Corner Of His Eye; two kids born around the same time have come into the world with an unusual set of gifts. One can walk in the rain, but not get wet, and can also see 'other' places where people on this plane may be sick, but in the other places they are not. The young girl, incredibly artistic, can momentarily disappear, dipping into these 'other' places. It materialises that a man hell-bent on killing the boy, who just happens to lose his sight at the age of 3 years old yet can somehow 'see', tracks down the girl by mistake. By this time, however, the girl and boy's life are so intertwined that the girl saves the day by pushing the evil one into one of the 'other' place and leaving him there.

The reason why I have mentioned Dean Koontz' book is that while it was good, you can overdo it on the word count. It took me three months to read that book, mainly because I got bored at the over-descriptive narrative. As I read more, I myself am inspired to write. I'm looking to the future now - where do I go from here? Do I become a recognised author, or should I remain an office worker? Hmmm!

NORMAL LIFE: Just Another Summer Weekend

The weekend started with the celebrating of Miss Knight's birthday, followed by a night on the tiles which lasted until 4am the next morning! We knew we were in for a nice weekend weather-wise; Helsinki's Museum of Contemperary Art, Kiasma, glowed in the evening light.

I woke up surprisingly early on the Saturday, despite the late night. We visited the Åland outdoor festival hosted in Senate Square, celebrating all the things from Ahvenanmaa, an autonomous and Swedish-speaking region of Finland located in the Baltic Sea.

After a while of looking through the various stalls offering goods of Åland origin and collecting some brochures for a potential visit later in the Summer, we wandered along the City's Esplanadi which was teeming with tourists.

We headed to Helsinki's Olympic Stadium for a swim in the outdoor pool and, when we made our way back home, we happened upon the Monster Mania show where trucks of enormous size proceeded to destroy cars by driving over them and stunt drivers wowed the crowd.

I wasn't surprised by the resourcefulness of the people blagging a view from the top of one of the city's hills. I mean, watching trucks destroy cars doesn't rate as entertainment in mind. And with tickets starting at €30, it was hardly surprising the attendance was low.