NORMAL LIFE: My Own Vanity & The Boss' Envy

My month starts off quite disappointingly, with some stern words from my acting manager. Before I go onto that, however, I have to just write something about last Weekend In Oulu.

I was there, with two fellow amateur photographers, both of which were dweeby, academic-looking types replete with glasses. Both of them were weedy, looking a bit on the poor side with their badly fitting clothes and country-bumpkin, laid back approach to all things in life.

On one of the evenings, the three of us went to the bar and, for perhaps the first time in my entire life, I felt embarrassed to actually be seen with somebody in public. I'm no oil painting myself, but standing next to these two guys was not going to get me any favourable attention. Or so I thought. Within half an hour or so, a young 26-year-old started chatting me up, much to the disappointment of my fellow photographers. Anyway...

When I got into the office yesterday morning and my acting boss called me into his room, it was to discuss my projects prior to leaving the company in nine weeks time. What was outstanding? What has/could be dome to wrap up the outstanding work? Who will take on any uncompleted work come the day of my departure?

Rather suddenly, the tone of the discussion change with my acting boss pointing out that my "behaviour, or something in my personality, was having a negative effect on the team". I was somewhat stunned. I have a surprisingly good working relationship with all of those around me. I am flexible, considerate, always democratic in my approach. I have received some very positive feedback in my time, but I couldn't help but sense the envy: was he putting me down because I was actually getting out of this place?

The firm is in a terrible state. Not only are the workforce demotivated, the firm's share value has halved in the last year, a sign that things are not going well both inside and outside the organisation. I listened intently, taking his comments on board, sensing that I was not entirely the problem. Don't you sometimes wish something would beam you up, like they do in the Star Trek to get out of a sticky spot? Unfortunately, I don't know a Scotty with this kind of power at his disposal.

The thirties, I now realise, are a funny time. Life somehow stabilises and you actually take the time to analyse your own behaviour and their affect on others, something you would not have wasted time doing during your twenties because you were self-centred, fabulous and too busy living life. Nobody is perfect and that extends to myself. My vanity last weekend shocked me, however, as did my boss' overtly expressed envy. Still, just nine weeks to go until the next chapter begins!