NORMAL LIFE: The Admired Disappointment

There is a woman in my firm who I have become very close with. It is very unusual for me to get really get to know people I work with, but with this woman, who has more integrity than anyone I have ever met in my working life to date, I succumbed.

Over the months, we worked on some legal issues with competitors and trading partners, imparting bits and pieces about ourselves during casual chitchats before meetings. A charming woman, even her six year old son, who is a regular visitor to our offices, has taken a shine to me.

Some months ago, I confided in her about my upcoming travels to Australia and, immediately, she took it upon herself to help me find work, sharing with some contacts she had in Australia. More importantly, she said that she admired my gusto, my willingness to go out there and seek new challenges.

That was then. Now she has a much different view of me after a recent incident which I, myself, am terribly embarrassed about. About a month ago, I had a bi-monthly call with a competitor who also happens to be a partner, which makes the working relationship that little bit trickier to manage.

As our two hour conference call came to an end, I indicated that this may be the last call I have with them. I then went on to explain, expressly indicating that my planned departure from the firm was not yet official nor common knowledge, that I was taking one year out in Australia.

The call came to an end, but rather suddenly, the same contact flew to Helsinki to hold a set of local meetings with some management and, during that meeting, despite the fact that I had pointed out that my news was not official - and thus not known to the ten-plus people in the meeting room - he asked who my replacement was going to be! How embarrassing!

One of the participants in the room was the woman with integrity. Having not attended that particular session during the day's meetings, I heard this from the Redhead who said she was just glad that I had told her beforehand otherwise that would have been a real revelation of the worst possible kind.

In the afternoon, I visited the woman with all the integrity. Whilst remaining calm, she warned me that, had I a boss in Helsinki, I would probably have received a written warning for notifying a competitor before my own employer of my plans to - at least officially - leave the organisation. I apologised, but she told me that I was a disappointment and had behaved unprofessionally.

Going from being 'admired' to being a 'disappointment' was a hell of a drop. A rather hurtful drop too when you actually respect the person who tells you so. What an amazing woman, having such a hold over me!