NORMAL LIFE: A Quickie In Tampere

Saturday morning comes, I skip breakfast and catch the 11:06 Intercity train to Tampere to vist some friends in the city that was my home for nearly two years. As the train shuttled at speed across the country, I pulled down the blind to shield my eyes from the bright rays of the day and read more of Seven Brothers, written by esteemed (but now very much dead) author, Aleksis Kivi; the book itself seems to be about seven young brothers who seem to have nothing better to do than to wander the land and cause trouble. How little has changed in the youth since the book's initial publication way back in 1870, I thought to myself.

In between the reading of pages here and there, I dozed; Finnish trains have a a very calming effect on me. In contrast, the trains in the UK are so rickety that you can tell almost instantly that the tracks don't actually 'fit' that well as it sounds like the train itself is wobbling against the metal of the track.

The eye of a woman's eye met mine - she was sitting opposite me and was somewhat drowsy herself. We smiled at one another, somehow confirming the other one's visible drowsiness. We started to chat; she was soft-spoken and well-dressed, in her early 30s. With ever-perfect English, we spoke about life in Finland and the Finnish language. We laughed, and time flew to mutual delight, our drowsiness long forgotten. When we arrived in Tampere just before 1pm, we parted somewhat awkwardly; I sensed that she 'liked' me, but being the way I am, nothing further was likely to develop and I stopped myself from giving her my number.

I made my way to the Savolainen's by bus. Blessed by two, pretty young girls, Mama Savolainen and myself sat at the kitchen table, tucking into chicken, potatoes and peas! Yummy! It wasn't until the cousin of the elder daughter's cousin arrived that I got a taste of what girly squealing was really like! By god, if there had been a pane of glass standing in the hallway, their squeals of delight may well have shattered it! It was cute though!

A few hours later, having caught up, Mama Savolainen gave me a lift into town for my next engagememnt. Inside Alko, in the basement of Stockmanns, I met up with Mr. Lapland; I call him Mr. Lapland because he is from the north originally and, in my opinion, he's quite handsome. But I'm spoken for, I remind myself! We bought some wine and went to his place - we chatted about the summer, our families and other general matters before downing a sumptuous dinner of Reindeer Soup followed by Elf Filet with garlic potatoes and vegetables. Ihana! Various schnapps and brandies were presented to me as we played Jenga, which is a hilarious undertaking whilst under the influence.

Later, we watch some of Mr. Lapland's favourite sketches from the BBC comedy, Little Britain. It makes me proud when Finn after Finn declares that British comedy is so funny. Sometimes, I reply: Me too! Geddit?! I'm a bit funny too! We played some of the scenes from Madonna's Confessions Tour, which really got us in the mood to party. And so we took a cab into town, to Pink, a relatively new gay bar right in the centre of town. We drank in the near-empty bar of some 20-or-so patrons, before I realised that action needed to taken: on the dancefloor, we played, praising the lights on the ceiling as thought they were indeed the lights of heaven.

Such was our intoxication than, at one point I point to Mr Lapland's visibly broad chest and sqealed: 'You got bigger boobs than that lesbian'. His response was to grab his chest, just like a woman would hide her boobs if her bra faulted for some reason, and faking a stomp off the dancefloor. It was hilarious! Madonna's Hung Up played followed by Boogie 2nite, by BootyLuv! Fantastic! So all was not lost. We left at 3pm, heading staight to bed.

During the night, I walked in my sleep and, ever restless as I am in unfamiliar places, I woke up with a start at 8am. I couldn't get back to sleep again and, since Mr. Lapland was awake, we had a long breakfast. Tiredess quickly set in and we read the papers (well, I looked at the pictures) in bed, listening to the pattering of rain outside; the rain went totally against my plans to go on a long walk with Blue that day. It wasn't long before Mr. Lapland offered a ride to Blue's and we were listening to Madonna's re-worked Lucky Star as we made our way through the town. As I bade goodbye to one friend, I flung my arms around another, the broad-smiled, wonderful Blue.

We rushed over to a food store to get some pizzas; the International Athletics in Osaka was on TV and Finnish hopeful, Tero Pitkämäki, was in the Javelin finals. As the pizzas heated up in the oven, the dramatic, nailbiting Javelin finals got underway. Having done well throughout the summer season (although he did happen to stab a French fellow javeller with his javellin, which wasn't his fault), Tero Pitkämäki proceeded to take Gold with an impressive throw of 90.33 metres. I bet that French guy is well and truly fucked off now!

With all the athletic excitement calming down, Blue proceeded to tell me about her ever-turbulent lovelife. Apparently, she has met a guy who happens to be a Magician and, apparently, he is also magic in bed! I cannot repeat the things she told me, and I'm sure she's eternally grateful for my discretion. After the pizza, some Joulu tortti (Christmas tarts, which Blue had made because she was in a Christmas mood - don't ask!), and ice cream, tiredness overcame me.

I made my way back into town by bus, dozing off on the way. When I arrived in town, I made my way towards the station and boarded the train that would take me back home. Shortly before falling asleep for most of the two hour journey, I recalled all the travelling I had done over the last two months: a week-long 5,000km road trip to Norway, four days in 34C Rome and ten days in the UK with visits to London, Cambridge, Liverpool and Manchester. I was, in fact, exhausted and I was already looking forward to next weekend. Just imagine: a weekend of nothingness awaited me! Ihana!