NORMAL LIFE: Finns And Their Babies!

Once again, cultural differences have risen to the surface; this time it's relating to Finns and their babies. Popeye, my closest colleague, recently returned to work after two weeks of paternity absence. While clearly amazed by the experience of fatherhood thus far, he took time out to give me some negative feedback: he didn't like the fact that I had communicated to our colleagues that he was on paternity leave. It wasn't the fact that he was out of the office that he had an issue with, it was the fact that I had mentioned paternity. This somehow revealed something about his private life.

Furthermore, throughout his two week absence, I had heard nothing. As a colleague, I don't expect to be informed as to baby's arrival or Mum's health, but two weeks of silence did nothing but conjure thoughts of birth-related complications which I thought was quite selfish. I explained this to him, but regardless, I shouldn't have communicated something so personal such as paternity in the first place. I didn't argue because I knew this was a cultural thing - Finns have a very obsessed-bordering-on-secretive view about the way their free time is shared/communicated with others.

As a gay man on the slippery slope towards his 30th birthday, I have reached an age where I'm constantly confronted by friends and colleagues having babies. While procreating is indeed the 'normal' thing to do, this does nothing to dispel my own unwanted feelings of inadequacy. My colleagues, indeed my own parents, do nothing but rave about parenthood. Well, if that is true and having kids is so bloody fantastic, then why are Finns so bloody unwilling to publicise it? I harbour no deepdown wish to father a child, if I did have a child, I would shout his/her arrival from the rooftops. And I would shout it out once or twice, not drag it out every Monday morning in the office in long-winded accounts of how someone's child managed to roll over onto it's stomach for the first time or how a child's illness has managed to spread within a whole family only to render your most valuable colleagues useless and, indirectly, add more stress to your own life.

The incident with Popeye occured yesterday, but this morning I received an email announcing that one of our colleagues - who had a baby just two weeks ago - would be visiting the office to show off her newborn bundle of joy. And I'm like oh for gods sake!

And get this: Finns don't even name their child for the first month or two. I can't stress enough how delicate and private the process of naming a child is so don't pry, whatever you do. I got to thinking what do Finnish parents call their child until it's named? Thing? It? Oi?! But the child isn't totally unidentifiable. You see, it leaves the hospital with its very own social security number! How useful, I thought to myself! As if the nine month pregnancy isn't long enough to decide on a name for your child! In this case, Popeye and his wife call their son 'Pupu' (bunny rabbit). How unflattering when the Father of the child could just do the decent thing and declare, quite unoriginally perhaps: "I hereby name this child Mika Jukka Sami".

Individuals aside, these incidents have made me think about my own situation and how lucky I actually am that biology has denied me fatherhood. Quite frankly, I love my life. I have a challenging job so the days fly by, I have time in the evening to do my hobbies, to exercise and plan my next amazing adventure abroad. If I were to have a child and become a dedicated parent - of which their are precious few, let's face it - I would lose my individuality, no doubt put on weight, say goodbye to saving for that rainy day and would be confined to child-friendly holidays in the Costa del Sol or equivalent for the next ten to fifteen years. What a waste of life.

Ultimately, the number of times I have heard people's theories on parenthood, this one comes up again and again: it's nice to know that there's going to be someone there when I'm older. I'm like how naive can you get? Children born in the 21st Century will have more opportunities than ever before. It's very likely, as globalisation gathers pace, that family life will further lose it's impetus while man continues to go off in search of money, career, quality of life etc. While parents naively believe that their children will remain close by, the prospect of success and riches in a foreign land is a much stronger force.