NORMAL LIFE: First Semi Final Review [ESC]

Last night's show at the massive Belgrade Arena was spectacular. The atmosphere was somewhat lacking in the half empty venue which, apparently, can seat 23,000 spectators. Despite this, the show went on in what is one of Europe's largest venues. ´

Starting at 10pm in Finland, I watched nineteen performances. Some made me cringe, some made me laugh, a few had potential. What struck me, however, was how many entries this year had reverted back to the use of their mother language which, in my opinion, is quite right. This puts the vision back into Eurovision.

The hosts, Jovana Janković and Željko Joksimović proved to be a bit of an odd couple. Jovana was feminine and gracious and therefore likeable and credible. Her counterpart, Željko, came onto the stage wearing white sneakers. How common, eh?! Might as well have given him a Burberry cap too!

The show kicked off with a performance from Montenergo, with Stefan Filipović singing Zauvijek Volim Te. Very dated, the show came across as a variant of Finnish tango combined with soft 80’s rock. Adding to the dated feel was awful backing dancers, four women doting on the singer as if he were the last man on Earth! Awful!

Next came Israel’s Boaz. A high-pitched intro left you waiting for a woman to come on stage. Instead, a lean, healthy looking man emerged who proved to have a good range, a very very talented singer. Despite the unnecessary distraction of the backing dancers and the fact that I did not understand a word as he sang The Fire In Your Eyes, I thought it was a good performance.

Unlike Estonia. A nice, but brief beat intro gave way to three Captain Birdseye look-alikes giving a cheesy rendition of an early 90s London Boys hit, the name of which I can’t remember. The trio, Kreisiraadio, sang Leto Svet. Three slim leggy blondes in the form of backing dancers were a welcome distraction from the three fat, ugly bastards constituting the singers! Yuk!

Moldova proved to be something else with Geta Burlacu singing A Century Of Love. And it wasn’t a good something, I can tell you that much. A mandolin and trumpet intro leads us to a woman standing on a sofa and belting out a ballad whilst clutching a teddy bear! Whilst the song was sung in English, it’s melody was a bit lacklustre if not non-existent.

San Marino was up next and Miodio performed Complice. An unoriginal pop/rock number, my immediate conclusion was a big, fat French ‘non’! Once again, they had overdone it on the props with a stupid woman dressed in what looked like an oversized, fluffy dressing gown prancing about in the background, ballet style. What's going with the props this year?!

Belgium proved quite comical. Well-publicized that the singer would be singing in an invented language, how would the public ever know? While Ishtar carried off the song, O Julissi, quite well, I couldn’t help but notice that she looked like a Finnish sweet known as Marianne. Dressed in a white and red striped dress, the made-up language number was almost choral, the best part being the violin! I wanted to scream: “Shut up! Just shut up!”

Next up was Azerbaijan, making its first Eurovision appearance. Reminding me of last year’s Vampires Are Alive by DJ Bobo, Elnur & Samir entertained the crowd with Day After Day. Resembling good and bad with costumes of an angel and a lesser goth, the show was too theatrical to be considered credible. A nice rock beat with great composition, the melody was a little bit weak.

Slovenia proved to be an eye-opener. Rebeka Dremelj opened her song, Vrag Naj Vzame, resembling a female version of the incredible hulk. Such was the lighting that she was luminous green, but her track progressed into what could become a potential dancefloor filler. Halfway through her performance, she stripped down to a petit purpose shirt and lime-coloured skirt, endlessly seeming to belt out the same words: #Lada ya lada!#

Norway bought with it a stage full of blondes ladies – one blonde singer, three blonde backing dancers. Maria performed her run-of-the-mill ballad, Hold On Be Strong, a desperate plea of #Why won’t anyone take a chance on me?#. Having overplayed the blonde card might just get the male members of audience voting though, but ‘non’ from me!

The Polish entry had me rubbing my eyes to make sure that I could believe was I was seeing. The over-tanned, leggy Isis Gee (who looked very much like an over-moisturised version of actress Lisa Kudrow) performed For Life. Whilst the plastic surgery may have been a bit too obvious under such harsh stage lighting, she was a strong performer, scaling the stage, reaching out to her audience. It was then, at the climax, that you saw those dazzling whiter-the-white teeth that nearly overexposed the TV screen! Otherwise, a brilliant performance, a potential finalist.

Ireland proved to be the most comical group of the night, even more so than the three Captain Birdseye look-alikes Estonia had dispatched to Serbia. Dustin the turkey, a puppet no less, starts the song Irelande Douze Pointe with references to #Mad acts and drag acts, and Terry Wogan’s wig..# Whilst the lyrics are very entertaining, the track is a cross between Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny and Gina G’s Just A Little Bit with some notes ripped from last year’s entry from Ukraine. Non!

Andorra brightened the mood with a potential gay nightclub dancefloor filler. Gisela sang Canaova, a number filled to excess with cheesy lyrics, which might just cost it a place in the final. A good performer, Gisela was dressed for the act - a headpiece that would be the envy of a fifth teletubby if ever there was to be one (never say never, it happened to the Beetles!) and a body-squeezing metal bodice showing off her best attributes!

Bosnia and Herzegovina’s Laka sang Pokušaj. Looking like Kelly Osborne, she immediately lost out on the looks front, and I thought that was as bad as it would get. She was soon joined by a fellow singer who reminded me of Charlie Chaplin. Meanwhile, in the background, there were three brides knitting! Laka pretended to hang up some laundry and, after a quick, hyperactive dash around the stage, I was left wondering if they had even read the brief to the show! The song, by the way, was, in the words of pop mogul Simon Cowell, utterly atrocious!

Armenia did well for, let’s say, Armenia. No, really, the song had promise, starting quite weakly before moving into what I can only describe as bongo country. An entertaining song, danceable, a good performance, leggy Sirusho bought us Qele, Qele! If I ever met her, I would be inclined to say: "Away, away!"

The Netherlands did very badly this year, playing safe with a song riddled with salsa beat. A good attempt, but no! For information, the singer was Hind and the track was Your Heart Belongs To Me. I say: you can have my heart if you go away and leave me alone!

Finland came onto the stage with heavy rock band, Teräsbetoni, belting out Missä Miehet Ratsastaa. I am not a fan of rock, but Europe still has a strong rock following. The group of four, trying to replicate monster band, Lordi’s victory back in 2006, put in a good effort. Somehow, they overdid it with the indoor fireworks and the pyrotechnics and I was left with my ears ringing!

Romania shipped a romantic duo to Serbia this year in the form of Nico & Vlad, singing Pe-o Margine De Lume.. The male member of the duo, with a talent for opera, started off the song quite strongly, being joined onstage by his female counterpart dressed in leather, perhaps an inappropriate choice for a ballad. A powerful performance, perhaps better suited to the stage, which left me in some kind of approval.

Russia gave perhaps the most dramatic performance with singer Dima Bilan, singing Believe, crawling on the stage floor for most of his allocated three minutes of time. The music was a little bit too hollow to accompany Dima’s strong voice and, emerging from the floor at the front of the stage, he made his way to the main part of the stage only to be joined by a male ice-skater providing unnecessary assistance. The closing scene was a bit cliché, reminiscent of 70s cabaret, featuring a violinist, the singer and the obviously gay ice-skater replete with god awful hairstyle!

Greece’s entry consisted of weak lyrics along the lines of #Can you see me? Can you feel me?# A good performance by Kalomira singing Secret Combination, the performance featured the customary butt-shaking, belly dancing routine during the bridge of the song. This track might appeal to the masses, but a yes from me? Non!

And so the show ended. It wasn’t until this morning that I caught up on the results. This year, the voting system has been changed, after last year's fiasco in Helsinki where no western European countries progressed to the final. Semi-finalists have been divided into two groups based on their usual voting preferences in an attempt to lessen the impact of "neighbourly" voting and allow a broader range of countries to reach the final. Traditional voting allies Greece and Cyprus have been split up, while the Baltic, Scandinavian and former Yugoslav countries have been separated.

After last night's show, I reviewed my notes and had thoroughly enjoyed the performances of Israel, Slovenia, Poland, Armenia and Romania. Checking out the results online this morning, I was pleased to see that Israel, Poland, Armenia and Romania had all qualified for Saturday’s final. While my favourite, Gisela from Andorra, was out, I was equally surprised to see that Finland was in!

The following countries will join host country, Serbia, the UK, Germany, France and Spain on Saturday: Greece, Romania, Bosnia & Herzegovina (amazingly!), Finland, Russia, Israel, Azerbaijan, Armenia, Poland and Norway. Another ten countries will qualify on Thursday for Saturday’s 25-song marathon! Keep your eyes peeled for Iceland on Thursday, my favourite!